That's how I feel right now. I feel strangely out of the loop. Cut off, left out... I feel as if I'm... secluded. That's the only word that really describes it. I feel secluded. I'm always writing, so I'm hardly ever talking to people enough of the time. IM can only go so far, after all. I realize this is probably a bit belated/'duh, Sorrow, you didn't notice already?', but... Still. I feel the inexplicable need to actually point out the obvious.

I mean, sure, some people LIKE my writing (okay, I'm kidding myself; a LOT of people like my writing), but... I dunno. I feel kind of... apathetic about that. I enjoy writing and creating stories and what-not, and I enjoy having people tell me how much they love it (I also enjoy the fact that I get 20+ reviews a day) so... why do I feel as if that doesn't really matter?

Life's been pretty empty. I can't even draw like some of my favorite deviants can do. Let's face it, while writing can be pretty popular, I'm not even half as popular as some of the artists here on DA, like YoukaiYume. Hell, I'm not even half as popular as some authors that are just as good as (or better) than I am, like Forthright (Goddess bless her, she's a genius).

And despite my rambling on that subject... I don't think that's the point. I guess I don't get enough interaction. Maybe. I dunno.

I found myself completely uninterested in doing ANYTHING while my devoted reader and friend azhwi wasn't online egging me on. She logged off for a nap, and I wandered around the house (I did DISHES!!! *gasp*) and just generally goofing around. I wasn't doing anything productive.

I've pretty much given up on writing as a career. I couldn't do it professionally (with some strange editor being a bitch over my shoulder) if I tried. I just wouldn't be able to muster the effort/energy. Commitment scares me, after all.

Perhaps I need direction. School. A job. Something. A project that would get me out of the house. I tried that once, by going down the road a couple of weekends and helping some old lady around her house, but then she pretty much told me to get lost, because she didn't have the money to pay me and felt bad for not doing so. Honestly, I wasn't helping for the money. I was helping for the experience.

We don't have anything like a community center nearby, and since we don't have a car either, that's out. Theatre's out. Cleaning around the house only goes so far (it eventually gets spotless). Planning things only works if you're actually going to do them (I plan shit and then something ALWAYS comes up; it's annoying). I'm pretty sure I've gotten frustrated with life.

I mean, why am I here, anyway? What's the point? I don't plan on raising my sister's kid forever while she sleeps the days away. She might not want a life, but I wouldn't mind one. I'll be moving out soon, thankfully, so that problem will be mostly solved, but... Still.

I still feel lonely.