Life, Love and Taking it All for Granted
Posted by Ariel Flynn on Friday, March 16, 2012
Under: Rant
Originally written March 12, 2012 10:59PM
So tonight, my brother in law had a seizure. He has been having them for years. He is fine now, but that is not what this journal is about.
Tonight, a man's wellfare was quite literally in my hands. I had to hold him, to make sure that he didn't bash his head in on his desk. I had to hold him while he vomited and shook in my arms. My heart was in my throat and there was a rock stuck in my gut as I clung to this man and held him as still as I could so the damage would be as small as possible.
Now, several hours later, I'm just getting over the shock, and I'm doing what I always do to work things out for myself; writing. And I'm thinking. I'm thinking about life, I'm thinking about love, and I'm thinking about how I take the little things for granted every fucking day.
I'm thinking about the things I could have done differently, the choices I could have made another way, the things I might have changed simply by opening my mouth. I'm thinking about anger, impatience. About two beautiful little girls that are my entire world, and two wonderful boys that I could stand to treat a little more kindly. I'm thinking about my beautiful Ariana, with her gorgeous soul, and her sweet smile that she doesn't show in nearly enough of her pictures.
I'm thinking about the irrational fear of tiny rodents with their beady little eyes, about headaches that come at the most inopportune times. About fandoms and writing, passion and pain. I'm thinking I might cry at any moment, just burst into tears, even though there is no one here to see it.
I am thinking about family, and aging, and lauging, loving, dying. The things that matters, the ones that don't, and the stuff that I don't do every day. I wish I could move to live near my beloved, and kiss her every morning rather than text about it. I wish I could adopt a lonely little girl out there that hasn't got a mother.
I wish I could cry for the children that know their parents, when their parents don't know them. I wish no one ever had to die, or feel pain, or cry. I wish... I wish I could be impulsive.
~finis
So tonight, my brother in law had a seizure. He has been having them for years. He is fine now, but that is not what this journal is about.
Tonight, a man's wellfare was quite literally in my hands. I had to hold him, to make sure that he didn't bash his head in on his desk. I had to hold him while he vomited and shook in my arms. My heart was in my throat and there was a rock stuck in my gut as I clung to this man and held him as still as I could so the damage would be as small as possible.
Now, several hours later, I'm just getting over the shock, and I'm doing what I always do to work things out for myself; writing. And I'm thinking. I'm thinking about life, I'm thinking about love, and I'm thinking about how I take the little things for granted every fucking day.
I'm thinking about the things I could have done differently, the choices I could have made another way, the things I might have changed simply by opening my mouth. I'm thinking about anger, impatience. About two beautiful little girls that are my entire world, and two wonderful boys that I could stand to treat a little more kindly. I'm thinking about my beautiful Ariana, with her gorgeous soul, and her sweet smile that she doesn't show in nearly enough of her pictures.
I'm thinking about the irrational fear of tiny rodents with their beady little eyes, about headaches that come at the most inopportune times. About fandoms and writing, passion and pain. I'm thinking I might cry at any moment, just burst into tears, even though there is no one here to see it.
I am thinking about family, and aging, and lauging, loving, dying. The things that matters, the ones that don't, and the stuff that I don't do every day. I wish I could move to live near my beloved, and kiss her every morning rather than text about it. I wish I could adopt a lonely little girl out there that hasn't got a mother.
I wish I could cry for the children that know their parents, when their parents don't know them. I wish no one ever had to die, or feel pain, or cry. I wish... I wish I could be impulsive.
~finis
In : Rant